The joy of a diagnosis

Monday afternoon, I was talking to someone I haven’t known for very long. She’s a mother of two Aspies, and married to one too. When I told her I was an Aspie too, her reaction almost made me want to cry (yes, I do have feelings, silly NT’s who think I don’t). She said: “weren’t you really really happy when you got the diagnosis?”…

That was the best reaction I’ve had so far about my diagnosis. At least this woman got it…she understood how important it was for me. I’ve had several optimistic, happy reactions, but they were all from family members and really close friends (who were already convinced I must be on the spectrum, so no shock there). But this woman was an ‘outsider’ who didn’t ask the stupidest question on earth: “Are you sure? Have you been diagnosed?” (no, I just love slapping a label on myself….duh!)

To NT’s it must be strange, that I WANT my label….’Asperger Syndrome’…that I want to wear it as a badge of honour, because I’ve earned it, through living my life in the NT world, trying to adapt for over 40 years without standing out too much. I’ve noticed some NT’s try to take away my label, try to convince me it’s not that bad, that I am well adapted. Well adapted my ass! I deserve an Oscar. For a lifetime performance! You should see me stimming when I get home from social functions….I twitch and jerk my shoulders and sink into deep apathy on my sofa. Adapting is hard work. I wish there was a way to show the people around me how it is to be me….with a mind that is ALWAYS racing, afraid of too many things to list, always thinking 10 steps ahead, so I don’t get caught off-guard when something unexpected happens….and always trying to fit in, not stick out.

I know I am currently obsessing about AS, and AS related things. That’s part of how I function. My friends and family will have to bear with me for just a little while longer. I am on a journey of discovery about AS. A friend recently described getting a diagnosis as a ‘coming out’…it’s telling something very intimate and personal about yourself to the rest of the world. And then hoping they will understand, or at least accept…

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2 Responses to The joy of a diagnosis

  1. I think only those diagnosed after childhood really understand how much joy and relief a diagnosis can bring. I honestly think that finding out about AS saved my life… It certainly is now a HUGE improvement over my life before. 🙂

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